Breaking up is Hard to Do

Tune in to episode 3 – Breaking up is hard to do as I discuss the process from a Psychological and scientific perspective that goes into trusting our heart and gut allowing us to make decisions, live in harmony with ourselves, and tap into the “flow” way of living AKA living in the “zone”.  You don’t want to miss this one as I continue to set the stage for my future guests as I discuss the role of the heart, brain, and gut working together in synchronicity rather than independent from one another supported by current research.  Here why we are all connected from our gut, heart, and brain.  

Stay tuned till the end and enjoy the acoustic instrumentals of Stevie Ray Vaughan covering Little Wing; originally written by Jimi Hendrix. 

Transcript

Hello everyone! Welcome to the Congruency Corner where the heart, brain and body align to live in harmony with ourselves.  I’m your host, Chandra – As a lifelong teacher in my field of expertise and as a lifelong student; I teach what I learn, and I practice what I teach.  This is episode #3 ~Breaking up is Hard to do.  I mixed the intro up a bit this episode with an “oldie but a goodie”.  “Breaking up is hard to do by Neil Sedaka”. Well before my time in 1966 – Sedaka debuted on a show called Saturday Hop with Rick Shaw – this song was the most requested at that time!

With a throwback from my parents’ generation, breaking up is hard to do says it all. There have been countless songs pertaining to the same topic since and continues to be a hot topic of discussion from the teenage years well into adult hood. 

This episode will not only discuss the “breaking up” process but also the psychological and scientific explanation to making decisions that congruently align with heart, brain, and body.  So please stay tuned to the end of this episode as the content will come full circle.  

I was recently reminded of a situation of the past during one of my reflective moments as this topic continues to resurface in my line of work and during casual conversations outside of my professional life.  I was reminded of a time that I was in high school and went to an elder who was a bit of a mentor to me.  At the time, I was dating a boy but wasn’t really sure I wanted to continue dating this particular person.  He was nice and we had fun together, but I wasn’t exactly feeling it – although, at that time in my life; I really wasn’t sure what “it” was, but “it” was something that it was not!  So, I asked this elder mentor, how do I break up with my boyfriend and still remain friends.  The adult that I confided in said, “Well, I don’t think that’s possible – you may have to make him hate you in the process! Even then I remember that this answer was unacceptable.  However, I had this fear that he was going to hate me, then his friends would hate me, and I would be ostracized from social things, which can be quite devastating in high school.  So…I let it drag on way too long because I didn’t have the words to handle the situation and my actions or lack of actions were being governed by my fears.  So, there I was trying to figure it all out.  Well, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and I finally gained the courage to have the “talk”!  Guess what – he did hate me for a bit, but he got over it in time and I got through any of the uncomfortable feelings in time. 

Most of you listening, have heard the breakup clichés, I’m sure - there are countless.  “It’s not you, it’s me”, we need to take a break, you deserve better.  Looking into the first one, it’s not, you it’s me cliché – When you break the words down it’s really only shifting the blame, but why does there have to be any blame at all.  What if we rephrase that one to, “it’s not you, it’s not me; neither is at fault, it’s us together and maybe we don’t mix so well and that’s okay.….And let’s take a break is really saying that the person wants time away, but the intentions are unclear and it’s a bit of a whishy washy statement.  

The fact is that break ups are hard for a multitude of reasons whether on the receiving end or the one doing the breaking up and sometimes two people are exactly on the same page and amicable; however, when something doesn’t feel right or feels incongruent with a person; it’s clear by listening to the “inner voice”, the heart, and the gut.  From an early age, we are taught to “think” our way through things and to reason them out.  And we have to, it’s human nature; however, sometimes our thoughts can get in our way based on perceptions, memories, experiences, ingrained belief systems, religious, social and / or family expectations / parameters.  

This podcast goes deeper than just “breaking up” It is really about knowing thy self and trusting thy self to make decisions and live in congruence of your true self in all aspects.  

So, what parts of the body go into our decision making?  When I ask this question to a group of teens during any of my workshops– I always get the same answer – the brain!  True, our brain has a lot to do with our decision making, but it goes much deeper than that!  

When the following is explained to a room full of teens or during individual sessions; I love the moment when they sit up straighter are engaged as they are learning the connections that make sense to them that they typically have never been taught or learned prior.  It begins to make sense to them regarding how the whole body operates in terms of the brain, heart, and gut operating in a synchronized fashion rather than independent from each other. 

We actually have 3 brains that influence our decision making.  Our actual brain (cephalic brain), our heart (cardiac brain), and gut (enteric brain). Those three brains are responsible for our ability to rationalize, make decisions, instinctual awareness, and ability to receive and process an array of information all obtained from our senses.  But it’s not just one brain working independently from the other 2; it is all 3 working simultaneously in constant communication with each other at a speed of 60 to 800 milliseconds.  For a frame of reference, a millisecond is one one thousandth of a second.  A human eye blink is 100 to 400 milliseconds so as quick as a blink of an eye a message from our gut reaches our brain. 

I want to preface the rest of the content by saying that I am a big science buff with a strong background in research and statistics.  Therefore, everything I claim in my podcasts is supported by valid research.  I say valid because there are articles that claim particular results, but the validity and research behind the claims is what warrants a factual basis to the information with a significant validity for the claims.   According to Current research published in the Sage Journals, Neuroscience news and publications, newer research coming out of Harvard Health; as well as, 30 years of ongoing research at the Heart Math Institute shows that the heart, head, and gut all have complex networks and are functioning brains in their own right.  Each is sophisticated complete with billions of neurons that have the ability to grow, flex, react, learn, and store a vast amount of information and memories. 

The actual brain has approximately 86 billion neurons in which are extremely helpful in cognition, perception, language, communication, ability to process and send information.  Among the billions of neurons, there are synapses, electrical impulses and hormones that communicate with one another to make sense of the world as we see it based on perceptions, memories, and experiences; our conscious thoughts.  Going back to my original personal example of the fear I was feeling about “ending the boyfriend / girlfriend relationship” The fear was due to my own experiences, memories, and perceptions of what I was either told, modeled, or experienced myself.  Innately, true fact – we are only born with two fear responses – fear of falling and the fear of loud noises.  This is for survival reasons that dates back to our ancient ancestors.  Every other fear that we form, carry with us, and have been formed over years of experiences, memories, and perceptions.  Fears that can become part of our core belief system over time as long as we continue to hold onto the manufactured fears. 

The Heart brain, houses approximately 40,000 neurons that operate independently from the brain but is in constant communication with the brain.  The heart sends more signals to the brain than the brain sends to the heart.  The heart is considered the emotional brain in which it communicates with the actual brain through electrical and chemical signals.  The heart generates much greater electromagnetic fields outside of the body than that of any other organ. More recently it is theorized to house the subconscious mind.  Which was once believed to be Soley part of the actual brain.  Ever wonder why donor recipients of heart transplants take on the personality characteristics of the donors.  I have, one of the many types of things I ponder as I’m alone with my own thoughts.  This is hypothesized by cellular memory that are stored in the heart.  1) epigenetic memory 2) DNA memory 3) RNA memory 4) protein memory.  Those stored memories are part of the subconscious “mind” that is stored as cellular memories in the heart as well as other parts of the body.    

Basically, Epigenetic memory defines the ability of cells to retain and transmit unique gene expression patterns to particular cells – things passed down from genetics – side does not stay tuned for the podcast about epigenetics and newer research that I am learning in my PhD courses in natural and integrative medicine – regarding what can alter that coding and how we can manipulate the coding ourselves.  

The gut brain houses 100 million neurons. The gut helps to regulate hormones, metabolism, blood pressure, and processes info while we sleep.  For a really long time, scientists thought that your brain communicates with your gut.  However, according to new research we know that communication actually goes both ways.  The gut sends about 400 more messages to the brain than the brain to the gut.  The gut also plays a key role in emotions as 95% of Serotonin is found in the gut.  Serotonin is called the “happy” hormone which is why SSRI’s became a medication treatment for depression, anxiety. SSRI’s are short for Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors. SSRI’s include Celexa, Lexapro, Prozac, Paxil pexeva, Zoloft.  However, SSRI’s don’t just affect the Serotonin production in the brain but also the serotonin in the gut; as well.  I am not discouraging SSRI use when managed properly by a psychiatrist; however, they were not originally meant for long term use.  They were designed for short term when someone is severely depression or experiencing panic attacks.   Prolonged use of SSRI’s especially in kids are being seen to interfere with the pineal gland function and melatonin concentration.  The pineal gland primary function is hormonal regulation.  It’s also responsible for controlling our circadian rhythm that the heart is also responsible for.  Hence, our heart communicating with our brain and vice versa.  It’s all connected! – Interestingly, there have been more recent studies that depict a synchronizing in heart rhythms between two people who are vibrationally measuring at similar frequencies; more or less two people who are innately in tune with each other, just because, soul mates, twin souls; whatever you choose to define it as.  The rhythms synchronize when in close proximity as well as over a geographical distance.  There were other studies that showed when one person thought of the other with good intentions, the recipients heart rhythm changed.  The same occurs between mothers and their infant children; therefore, co-sleeping to help set the circadian rhythm in the early weeks / months isn’t such a bad thing. It explains the magnitude of the emotional aspect of the heart when a mother knows something unsettling happened to a child before getting the actual news, knowing that a friend is going to call or text before they do.  That is the subconscious action of the heart and the gut; since they are both closely connected in terms of emotions and the sub conscious (brains)   

Have you ever had that “flutter” feeling in your gut that you can’t ignore?  Sometimes the gut knows and the heart knows before the brain knows or our cognitive mind tries to explain it away.  That feeling that you know something or feel something but don’t really know how or why you feel or know what you do, but – you can feel it deep within your core – that core is your heart and gut!  

Those moments when you have a gut and / or heart felt feeling but you second guess yourself and the brain talks you out of it.  To be in congruence is to listen to all three and to let the heart and gut lead the way by trusting yourself and your feelings / instincts along the way.  In doing this, we are aware of our thoughts, but not allowing our thoughts to over rationalize a situation or feeling.  When we are in full congruence with our heart, brain, and gut we allow for fluid communication between the gut, heart, and brain.  Follow the heart and gut and the brain will follow suit opening up new pathways to form memories, perceptions, and experiences.  This is many times termed as being in the “zone”, living in the “flow”, and trusting yourself and having absolute unconditional self-love.

With all of that being said, I ask what is the main communication line for all of this?  The Vegas nerve – the longest nerve in the body that runs from the base of your spine to the top of the neck.  Anyone familiar with chiropractic’s knows all of the markers along the spine.  Well, if there in a disruption in the line for whatever reason, there is a disruption in the communication pathway.  Herego; misalignment, in congruency.  Disruptions along the pathway can cause immune deficiencies, heart issues, IBS, acid reflux, irregulated hr, bp, blood sugar, erratic mood fluctuations, colic in babies, sleep disorder, chronic bed wetting, digestive issues, anxiety, speech delays, allergies to name a few.  There will be more on this topic when you hear from one of my favorite pediatric chiropractic physicians in an upcoming podcast.  So much great stuff to cover that I cannot wait to share the really cool things he does with his patients in terms of Vegas Nerve Stimulation and tonal adjustments for dietary issues, quieting an overactive Nervous system, anxiety, sensory processing disorders and more.    

Having a clear pathway along the Vegus nerve not only helps the rest of our body and organ function along the way; it also keeps the honest and open communication among the 

heart, brain and gut open.  When we are truly aligned with ourselves; not fragmented in any way; listen to our heart and gut we are better able to make the decisions that align with our true nature.  It’s the gut and heart that lead our brain; not the brain that leads our heart and gut.   There are many aspects that go into having an open communication to build congruence and I will cover them all in time with the help from other guests in a complete full body perspective.  As we tie all of this together for complete full body congruence, you will hear from chiropractors, naturopaths, psychologist, integrative medicine docs, quantum physics professors / researchers, spirituality followers, nutritionist, surgeons, reiki / energy practitioners, acupuncturist, and more.  

Bridging the gap between Eastern and Western phiophies with all new supported research.  Meshing the art and science of healing and living in alignment and bridging the gap between science, quantum physics, and spirituality.  

Thank you for tuning in; please subscribe and join me next time as we continue this journey together.   

You can visit my websites for more info on who I am and what I do.  Mindfuladaptations.com for services relating to individual / family sessions and thecogruencycorner.com for the services provided with schools, groups, clubs, and sports teams; as well as current and future publications. 

I’m going to leave you with a quote by Kurt Koftka – a Gestalt Psychologist – “the whole is something else than the sum of its parts.  Different than Aristotle quote:  “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts”

When we look at the whole picture of how something is put together or the wholeness of the human body with all the different functioning parts; deigned to work in synchronicity and harmoniously it looks quite differently than when we simply look at all the parts added together in a linear fashion with separate parts functionally independently.    

Forever learning, forever growing, and forever evolving.  

I’m your host, Chandra – Good day to you and thank you for tuning in.  Until, next time!